"Man, Do I Hate Holiday Travel"

Via Instapundit, this Iowahawk story is funny:

Time was, a suicide mission to explode an international jumbo jet was an event full of glamor and excitement; but now it seems to be a endless series of delays, hassles, pushy jerks and third-degree testicular chemical burns.

ClimateGate Jokes

Q. What's the proof that global warming is man-made?

A. The East Anglia emails--- a man made up the temperatures.

Q. How many trees does it take to make a hockey stick?

A. Twelve.

Q. How many trees does it take to make a hockey stick?

A. None-- just two lines of computer code.

Major Hasan and the Media Parody

Via Instapundit comes this good Major Hasan and the Media parody.

Blair and Cameron's Fear of Hitchens

A funny story from Peter Hitchens on November 5, 2009 (my boldface):

Mr Cameron is in many ways the 'heir to Blair' that he said he would be, and I was amused to find that he is also copying his exemplar in his treatment of me at press conferences. Even though he acknowledged me with a three-star Etonian manly glance and nod, and even though there was no huge hurry nor contest to ask questions, he paid me the immense compliment of not taking a question from me. Mr Blair used to do the same, even if mine was the only hand up in the whole vast room. My fellow journalists, amused by the performance, often used to let this happen deliberately. As a result, reporters from immensely obscure foreign media outlets learned that they could question the Labour leader if they put their hands up at the same time as me. The Beekeeper's Gazette could have got a question if they had turned up. When, after many weeks, Mr Blair eventually relented (which led to a scene, in which I was told to sit down and stop being 'bad') I had almost forgotten what I had wanted to ask. I had begun to tell people that I didn't want to ask a question at all, that holding my hand up for long periods was a Tantric Yoga technique for suppressing nausea.

Douglas Kmiec, Ruler of the World

From Prof. Smith at Right Coast:

Well known conservative and staunchly pro-life Obama supporter, former OLC head Professor Douglas Kmeic has been nominated to be the United States Ambassador to Malta. I speculate that he will be confirmed by the Senate in due course, the ambassadorship to Malta having rarely provoked controversy in the past.

There are those so cynical as to suggest that the nomination to this position of trust is a reward, some sort of quid pro quo, as we Catholics say, for supporting our young President in his efforts to get the Catholic vote... That is more of a leap, however, than we at this blog are willing to make. Before making such conceivably unwarranted inferences, we should consider that perhaps, just perhaps, the good Professor is in fact the most qualified person for this job. Consider: what are the qualifications for the job of Ambassador to Malta? No, I don't know either. But whatever they are, I am at least fair minded enough to suppose that the Professor may possess them in abundance....

Some people think the Knights of Malta run the world as part of a secret conspiracy, along the lines of the Illuminati, but much more Catholic. Personally, I doubt this. But if this is true, the White House has just, perhaps inadvertently, put the good Professor in a position of almost unspeakable power. We can only pray he uses it wisely.

The Der Sturmer Joke

A German Jew in 1934 was explaining to his friend why he prefers Der Stürmer over the local Yiddish paper: "This paper says we Jews control the media, the economy, the banks, the whole world. Your paper has nothing but bad news."

Hillary Clinton's Latest Gaffe, in Mexico

From The Right Coast:

It could have been worse
Tom Smith

For example:

"She doesn't look Mexican!"

"It's so refreshing to see Jesus portrayed as a woman."

"At Mount Holyoke we had a legend of a ghost professor who haunted the basement of the library every Halloween!"

"If I touch it, do I get a wish?"

"And why is she called Our Lady of Guacamole?"

Movies fro Foreign Leaders

Rob Long has never, as far as I recall, written anything less than first-class:

To those of us who live and work in Hollywood, movies are always the perfect gift. So we're puzzled to read about the controversy that erupted when President Barack Obama gave British Prime Minister Gordon Brown a collection of classic movie DVDs.

It seemed like a chintzy gift to some sniffing British journalists. Impersonal, slapdash, borderline insulting -- the sign, some suggested, of a president in over his head.

But, look, we've all been there. We've all been faced with finding a last-minute gift. We've all sprinted through the aisles of Walgreens, scanning the shelves for something -- anything -- that might possibly, if wrapped stylishly, qualify as a present. President Obama has the added burden of being almost completely broke, so it's only natural that his eye drifts to the discount bin at the video store.

Twenty-five classic movies? Some that he included, like "The Wizard of Oz" and "City Lights," are so old and so well-known that they're practically free. Perfect! Wrap them up in last year's Hanukkah paper -- he's British; he won't notice -- and presto: diplomatic crisis averted.

Saturday_Night_Live's Geithner Video

The Saturday Night Live Geithner save-the-economy-plan video is very good.

Steyn on Obama At Sea

I'm glad Obama won. He has inspired Mark Steyn to reach new heights in his writing, and if Art trumps Wealth, that is all to the good. From "Obama, All at Sea":

So how’s that going? Jesus took a handful of loaves and two fish and fed 5,000 people. Barack wants to take a trillion pieces of pork and feed it to a handful of Democratic-party interest groups.

and

Jesus picked twelve disciples. Barack seems to have gone more for one of those Dirty Dozen, caper-movie line-ups, where the mission is so perilous and so audacious that only the scuzziest lowlifes recruited from every waterfront dive have any chance of pulling it off. The ends justify the mean SOBs: “Indispensable” Tim Geithner, wanted in twelve jurisdictions for claiming his kid’s summer camp as a business expense, is the only guy with the savvy to crack the code of the U.S. economy. Tom “Home, James!” Daschle is the ruthless backseat driver who can figure out how to steer the rusting gurney of U.S. health care through the corridors of power. Charles Bronson is the hardbitten psycho ex-con who can’t go straight but knows how to turn around the Department of the Interior.

And, of course, there’s the lovable dough-faced shnook in the front office, Robert “Fall Guy” Gibbs. He didn’t do nuthin’ wrong, but, when seven nominees die in a grisly shootout with a Taxable Benefit Swat Team in the alley behind the Senate, he makes the mistake of looking sweaty and shifty while answering routine questions.

and

A president doesn’t have to be able to walk on water. But he does have to choose the right crew for the ship, especially if he’s planning on spending most of his time at the captain’s table schmoozing the celebrity guests with a lot of deep thoughts about “hope” and “change.”

and

Far worse than his cabinet picks was President Obama’s decision to make the “stimulus” racket the all-but-sole priority of his first month, and then outsource the project to Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank, and Harry Reid.

and

Appearing on The Rush Limbaugh Show last week, I got a little muddled over two adjoining newspaper clippings—one on the stimulus, the other on those octuplets in California—and for a brief moment the two stories converged. Everyone’s hammering that mom—she’s divorced, unemployed, living in a small house with parents who have a million bucks’ worth of debt, and she’s already got six kids. So she has in vitro fertilization to have eight more. But isn’t that exactly what the Feds have done? Last fall, they gave birth to an $850 billion bailout they couldn’t afford and didn’t have enough time to keep an eye on, and now four months later they’re going to do it all over again, but this time they want trillionuplets. Barney and Nancy represent the in vitro fertilization of the federal budget. And it’s the taxpayers who’ll get stuck with the diapers.

and

As President Obama warned on Tuesday, “A failure to act, and act now, will turn crisis into a catastrophe.” If you’re of those moonstruck Obammysoxers still driving around with the “HOPE, NOT FEAR” bumper stickers, please note that, due to an unfortunate proofreading error at the printing plant, certain nouns in that phrase may have been accidentally transposed.

and

But, alas, the foreigners made the mistake of actually reading the “stimulus” bill, and the protectionist measures buried on page 739 sub-section XII(d) ended, instantly, the Obama honeymoon overseas. The European Union has threatened a trade war. Up in Canada, provincial premiers called it “a march to insanity.” Wait a minute: I thought the Obama era was meant to be the retreat from insanity, a blessed return to multilateral transnational harmony?

As longtime readers will know, I’m all in favor of flipping the bird to the global community. But at least, when Rummy was doing his shtick about “Old Europe,” he did it intentionally. To cheese off the foreigners entirely by accident before you’ve even had your first black-tie banquet is quite an accomplishment. Protectionism is serious business to the Continentals. Oh, to be sure, if the swaggering unilateralist Yank cowboy invades some Third World basket-case they’ll seize on it as an opportunity for some cheap moral posturing. But in the end they don’t much care one way or the other. Plunging the planet into global depression, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter.

and

The bloated non-stimulus and the under-taxed nominees are part of the same story. I’m with Tom Daschle: I understand why he had no desire to toss another six-figure sum into the great sucking maw of the federal treasury.

and

Tom and Tim Geithner and Charlie Rangel and all the rest are right: They can do more good with the money than the United States government can. I only wish they followed the logic of their behavior and recognized that what works for them would also work for every other citizen.

A Metaphor to Derail the Stimulus?

Where Nations Go to Die is Mark Steyn at his finest. Read the whole thing, but here is the most exquisite part:

The more interviews Speaker Pelosi gives explaining how vital the STD industry is to restarting the U.S. economy, the more I find myself hearing “syphilis” every time she says “stimulus.” In late September, America was showing the first signs of “primary stimulus”—a few billion lesions popping up on the rarely glimpsed naughty bits of the economy: the subprime mortgage racket, the leverage kings. Now, the condition has metastasized in a mere four months into the advanced stages of “tertiary stimulus,” with trillions of hideous, ever more inflamed pustules sprouting in every nook and cranny as the central nervous system of the body politic crumbles into total insanity—until it seems entirely normal for the second-in-line of presidential succession to be on TV gibbering away about how vital the federalization of condom distribution is to economic recovery.

The Nietzschean Democratic Party!

"Music Make You Lose Control"

\

LD passed this along to me.

Anti-Zionism

From the WSJ:

That Explains It

• "Here in Qatar, . . . we have a Starbucks, which serves coffee. They used to hang a sign on the doors of their shops: 'We benefit our most important partner, which is Israel, we help in the education of students in Israel, we help build up the Israeli defense arsenal,' and so on. . . . This Starbucks is Zionist."--Sheikh Yousef Al-Qaradhawi on Al-Jazeera, Jan. 9 (via Middle East Media Research Institute)
• "Seven Cups of Coffee a Day May Lead to Hallucinations"--headline, Bloomberg, Jan. 14

Obama and the Press

Ann Coulter is in fine form.

When the Obama family materialized, the media was seized by a mass psychosis that hadn't been witnessed since Beatlemania. OK! magazine raved that the Obamas "are such an all-American family that they almost make the Brady Bunch look dysfunctional." Yes, who can forget the madcap episode when the Bradys' wacky preacher tells them the government created AIDS to kill blacks!...

Months before network anchors were interrogating vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on the intricacies of foreign policy, here is how NBC's Brian Williams mercilessly grilled presidential candidate Barack Obama: "What was it like for you last night, the part we couldn't see, the flight to St. Paul with your wife, knowing what was awaiting?"

Twisting the knife he had just plunged into Obama, Williams followed up with what has come to be known as a "gotcha" question: "And you had to be thinking of your mother and your father." Sarah Palin was memorizing the last six kings of Swaziland for her media interviews, but Obama only needed to say something nice about his parents to be considered presidential material.